my mind's awake

i really detest the night. my mind's kept awake all the time. all i can do is cough every 30 minutes, toss and turn and wished that my mind starts sleeping. it does, for a while.. then unknowningly, it drifts back to what i wish not to think about. i think what i need is a mindset shift. im in this state of continuous self denial that theres a way of making it work. to put it in better light, a fighter. but it just comes across as being selfish, being upset and being stubborn. like im oblivious to the fact that you tried. but you dont see you the way i do, do you? cause if you see you the way i see you, then you would know why i keep fighting.

nonetheless, i experience tonight what i always write in my essays, with memories playing in my mind like a silent film. it is really silent, even i dont make a sound. im not sure what sound fits best to certain parts of this film.